As I've said before I don't know if I believe in soul mates, at least in the traditional sense, so your post not only made me chuckle but it made me wonder about all those people who seem to show up in our lives only long enough to bring with them some sort of drama or heartache. Those experiences that the phrase "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" was surely born from. (Or as I prefer "that which does not kill me had better run pretty d@mn fast". /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> ) But this one line in particular struck a cord with me…

"And if we have free will, maybe a soul mate makes a choice other than us because we are not an easy choice to make."

I'm sure we all can remember a time or two when we were less than easy to deal with or when our partner reminded us of anything but a soul we would have chosen to be tied to for an entire lifetime absent a shot or 10 of tequila. As someone who recognizes they can be a bit "spirited" from time to time this line really made me think about that.

We tend to think of soul mates in romantic terms, as people who come into our lives and change it for the better. But all too often the reality is we fall in love and spend the next several years destroying that. We argue and say things we would never dream of saying to a stranger but find ourselves all to comfortable to shout at the one we profess to love the most. Would a true soul mate be more tolerant of this and stay to love you through these moments, to see past these stresses and weaknesses only to usher us into our (hopefully) calmer, twilight years? Or at some point, do they throw up their hands and walk away?

As mere flesh and blood on this side, we tend to bring a lot more than love and kindness into a relationship. We come into each new relationships dragging behind us those old bones from prior relationships and the insecurities they've surely cultivated, the stresses from jobs and finances, carpools and deadlines. And if that wasn't enough to bring love and light to our lives we have to contend with those who are surely not in our soul groups like the questionably hygienic teen at the drive-thru who screwed up our order again. So the question is, would our true soul mate instinctively, or even spiritually, know to stay and lovingly apply salve to our wounded souls or do the rules of free will apply? Is it possible for a soul mate to make another choice because we are not an easy choice to make?

I don't know.

What I do know is I have known and loved two good men. Do I dare call only one my "soul mate" because along with all that other stuff we dragged into this relationship, we also brought with us the gift of maturity and the wisdom of experience to better work through all the ugly things life throws at us from time to time? That hardly seems right to me.

Wow, this is the most I have ever said about my personal life here, or on any other forum for that matter. /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' /> Interesting topic!

The dynamics of relationships – you definitely bring up a good point. It is always interesting to me that we tend to treat those we love the most the worst. They see us at our worst, and usually they love us in spite of that.

I am NOT an easy person to live with by any stretch of the imagination. I know this about myself. It is one of the reasons that I've probably not done well in relationships until my current one. Jim is hubby #3. We sort of danced around the fringes of one another's lives for years, Jim and I. We met a few times in strange ways. We finally met and married in our late 30s. Jim always wonders how our lives would have gone if we'd met when we were young before we were married to others. I tell him that it probably is best we met when we did, because I wasn't prepared to be a good partner until just before he met me. He says that it wouldn't have mattered, because the strength of our bond with one another would have carried us through. I believe that the strength of our bond has to do with the maturity that we achieved from our past relationships, and that it was every single moment that led up to the moment that we were finally together that prepared us to be together as we are now.

Maybe we're both right. Or maybe we're both wrong. Hard knowing, since all I can really know is that I am with him now, and he is the right man for me from where I sit in this moment.

There is a quote by Rabbi Barnett Brickner that spoke to me when I read it and in those moments when I find myself without that shot, or 10, of tequila I try very hard to think of that quote. "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."

I think you and I are a lot alike. I tend to believe as you do that what makes my current marriage so successful has more to do with the experiences of our pasts and the maturity that comes along with those experiences than some celestial bond. But I can't help hoping it's a little of both.

Yeah – me too. Like I say, I'll be appalled if I get to the other side and find out my soul mate was really the druggie I dumped when I was 21. I'd like to think it is Jim.

Yeah, but it would've been nice to be together back when we didn't go to bed wodering what was going to hurt the most when we woke up…

I hear that!

It's just great crawling out of bed some days. heehee

Some days when everything hurts, I wonder if I should get up.