Like it's ever the skirt's fault?

I've been told that indeed, it sometimes is. Further I'm told that's my position on the topic.

Stupidest drunken act…..WATCH THIS! I CAN DO THE SPLITS.

No I can't. But I did.

That's an "ouch!"

It was the loudest pop I ever heard my body make. Didn't feel it until the next morning tho. I was a lot bendier back then.

That "pop" just made me go all wiggly, no matter how bendier you may have been. I believe my neck just cracked.

Sayin'.

Here's another genius move. I grill so often I have a cabinet full of supplies near the patio door, a bone of contention in the household as it looks out of place. Anyway, when I cook beef I coat the grill grate with olive oil to prevent sticking, and to give the meat the cool grill marks. Sometimes in a pinch I'll use one of those non-stick sprays. One night I experimented and sprayed the steaks with the oil, and after placing them on the grill, I looked at the can.

It was in fact a silicone spray I used to lube the patio doors after cleaning them. It took a very long time for me to accept I had just ruined four, count 'em, four Allen Brother's porterhouses.

My wife asked me how many glasses of wine I had consumed; the honest answer was less than one; she clucked her tongue, trilled the R in my name and we went to Outback, which was far less satisfying.

Dang Dawkins….I've always said no one has fun quite like you!! That sounds like a trick my Grandfather did once. I used to go to his house and wash his car for him and he bought this new metal/chrome liquid polish spray that I couldn't get to work. So he took it and started shaking it up and kept hitting the button to get it to spray…if finally did….all over the hood of his brand new red ltd…it promptly started eating through the paint down to the metal. I'm fairly positive that was the first time I ever showed my " /ohmy.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=';)' />-Face" outside of a bedroom . I thank god it was him and not me that did it. Needless to say, it was the last time either of us did that. After he got the hood repainted, he told me no offense but neither of us show an aptitude for cleaning cars properly…lol

I am seriously thinking of compiling my eff-ups in book form. Tentative title, "Don't Do This!" Subtitle, "I Eff-upped So You Don't Have To!"

Dawkins – you reminded me of a tube of something or other one night that looked like tooth paste but wasn't. I don't remember what was in the tube – but it was not delicious and minty.

I once applied a hearty dollup of Miconazole to my brush. Fortunately I looked at the tube before brushing. Though if I did not, I guess my teeth would have been less yeasty.