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Probably a Cowboy fan
Hey now. /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />
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Here's a little science/chemistry blurb to help broaden our base of knowledge beyond politics.
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified with certainty the most dense element known to science.
The new element, Pelosium (PL), has a density of one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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Here's a little science/chemistry blurb to help broaden our base of knowledge beyond politics.
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified with certainty the most dense element known to science.
The new element, Pelosium (PL), has a density of one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
/laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' /> That's funny… /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the
Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and
said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To
be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to
notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as
scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this
man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in
this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her
face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice
anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of
course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and
said, "This is probably a waste of time, but…" He flashed the photo in
her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right,
did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression and said, "You're
absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could
you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye
and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.
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If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, the adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways…in the snowstorm… yadda, yadda, yadda.
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the public library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog !
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to beat us if we did something bad! Nowhere was safe !
There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled.
We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!
There weren't any carry-it-with-you-all-the-time cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a phone call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY! Think of the horror … not being in touch with someone 24/7! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! 10 every minute?!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your pastor, the collection agent… you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances!
We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square ! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster.
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were really stuck when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your rump and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, how in the world did we survive?!?!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons !
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove ! Imagine that!
And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh no – There were no electronics to soothe, comfort, and lose brain cells on. And if you came back inside… you were given chores to do!
And car seats – Oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well, that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
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If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, the adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways…in the snowstorm… yadda, yadda, yadda.
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
So much so true so sad!
One thing that I don't think was mentioned was little league…when I was a kid there was no such thing as "non competitive" leagues? WTF is this nonsense? What's the point of playing a sport in a league if there's no winner? No one likes losing, but it builds character and helps young folks develop skill sets they'll need as they continue their journey into adult hood. All this coddling will have negative consequences and we're beginning to see it now.
The Best Radio On Radio
SirusXm
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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to
the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network
more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a
California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, A
Story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists, finding of 200
year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than
the New Yorkers"
One week later. A local newspaper in Texas reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Maypearl, Texas,
Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely
nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas
Had already gone wireless".
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Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and
Grandfathers is? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special
effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would
take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some
bonding time – just him and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday
however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their
granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
Grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, and do you know what?
We didn't see a single ****, dumb ****, **** or horse's ****
anywhere we went today!'
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
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Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
…. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a
Duck.
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A rope was invited for a drink after work by his fellow employees which he was really wanting to do. When he arrived at the bar he noticed a sign in the window "No Ropes Allowed" this was not what he was expecting so he thought for a while then tied himself in a knot and frayed his ends. He then walks in and meets his friends and goes to the bar to order a drink but the bartender yells get outta here rope we don't serve your kind here. The rope just smiles at the bartender and tells him "I'm afraid not"
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Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The clock
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Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The clock
**giggles**
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If people read Ghost stories what magazine do ghosts read?
"People"
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A blind guy was the lone passenger on a private jet heading to a business conference in Chicago. Part of the way into the flight the pilot called out to the passenger in agony that he thought he was having a heart attack. The blind man struggled to the c0ckpit and felt for a pulse on the pilot. Not finding one he hastily put on the headphones and mike set and said "Help me, help me, my pilot is dead, i'm blind and the plane is flying upside down". An air traffic controller came on and asked "if you're really blind, how do you know you're flying upside down?" The blind man answered because the crap is running UP my back.
The Best Radio On Radio
SirusXm
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Wal-Mart Wines
Wal-Mart announced that sometime in 2010 it will begin offering customers a new discount item…Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine.
The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price in the $2 to $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but 'There is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. 'However, branding will be very important.'
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brands and varieties.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax I know possum is not white meat.
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Wal-Mart Wines
Wal-Mart announced that sometime in 2010 it will begin offering customers a new discount item…Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine.
The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price in the $2 to $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but 'There is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. 'However, branding will be very important.'
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brands and varieties.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax I know possum is not white meat.
/laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
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that's funny
The Best Radio On Radio
SirusXm
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I like #10 /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
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1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to
nap when I was younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told
you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind
of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest
of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection…again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.
13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I
immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you
do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
16. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
19. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
(And GPS's need this option, too!)
20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
21. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.
23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!
26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.
27. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every
year?
28. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey--but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from
3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
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