With thanks to Dr. Maya Angelou – whose original "Still I Rise" I ripped off…

Still My Thighs Rise

You may write me down in history

For eating lots of pies

You may starve me in this very room

But still, like bread, I’ll rise

Does my jiggliness upset you?

Why are you filled with gloom

‘Cause I walk like my thighs are molded

By a liposuction vacuum

With moonlike cheeks and flabby gut

I still refuse to hide

I skip the bread and sugar and flour

And still I rise

Do you want to see me thinner?

One chin and stick like thighs

Laughing at my teardrops

As you Hoover down French fries

Does my lack of taughtness offend you?

Your body’s awfully hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got a tiny tush

Swinging in my back yard

You may shoot me with superior looks

You may comment about my size

You may put me down with your cattiness

But still like yeast I rise

Out of the closet of dieters’ shame

I rise

Up from a body I want to reclaim

I rise

My arse is like the ocean vast and wide

Growing and swelling is my hide

Leaving behind nights of secret eating

I rise

Renouncing carbs for plainer eating

I rise

Eating so little I’m always starved

I have hope my abs will be carved

And yet…

I rise

I rise

I rise

The original – which is a brilliant poem. My favorite poem, actually. Yes – I have a favorite poem. I'm dorky that way.

Still I Rise

by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.