when cheryl asked for a photo of me i could not provide one. i have spent my entire life hiding from cameras. i am the artist; i am behind the brush, pencil, camera, whatever. NEVER in front of it.

it takes all i can muster to have my driver's license photo taken. i have a deeply intense dread of my own image. i know it goes back to my self-esteem and body image and all that crap. i am comfortable in my own skin or at least as much as i probably will ever be. but it took all i could do to let my son take a pic of me. he was beside himself with laughter at the premise of being able to do that without fear of physical retaliation! he kept saying i could give her the baby picture we have of me…

at this point in my life i don't worry too much about this 'thing' (i am too poor to call it a quirk /dry.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> ). i can finally catch a glimpse of myself in a store window and not cringe. most of the time. there are still times when the inside-my-head-image of who i am/what i look like over rides the reality. the truth is i am neither beautiful nor ugly; grossly obese nor stick thin. i am curvy. i am relatively normal (whatever that means). i am who and what i am and i no longer have the energy to change into what the world feels i am supposed to be. i no longer even care to be what the world feels i am supposed to be.

for the most part, i hold myself to a higher standard than the world does. i fail so miserably at times, but at least i try. and then try again.

I would like to air a complaint about 'discrimination' by one of your mods here. A certain someone received a cookie for her efforts in getting people to sign up to these wonderful forums. Well, I was among the ones who came over… well, I did not see nary a crumb of that cookie. She could have at least shared. /dry.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=';)' />

sheesh, some people..i swear. /dry.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=';)' />

if i had shared with all ten people there would have been none left for me /tongue.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':P' />

psst, cheryl this probably isnt a good time to thank you for the real cookie you sent is it? /unsure.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':unsure:' /> /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

Annie and Heidi … both of your pics were gosh darn cute!

And, um, when we profiled the admins of the site long ago, I used a picture of myself when I was like 5. Enough said …

cheryl,

i would kill for heidi's coloring!

and as for me, i just have this 'monster' inside my head that creeps out now and again. i drive poor bill nutz. he thinks i am beautiful, always has. of course, that is one benefit of marrying an older gentleman: i will always look relatively young beside him!

seriously, tho, i will still gather up plus-size clothes in sizes much too large to try on when i know what size i really take. i just cannot merge the 2 people that exist-the one in my head and the one on the outside.

i am thinking that perhaps i discriminate against myself. (i think i just had a 'eureka moment'!!)

'

Annie and Heidi … both of your pics were gosh darn cute!

And, um, when we profiled the admins of the site long ago, I used a picture of myself when I was like 5. Enough said …

I hate getting my picture taken, it has nothing to do w/poor body image necessarily, it's just that I've yet to see a good one. Either I got red eye, reflection off my glasses, dopey grin, eyes closed you name it. I just avoid it completely.

when cheryl asked for a photo of me i could not provide one. i have spent my entire life hiding from cameras. i am the artist; i am behind the brush, pencil, camera, whatever. NEVER in front of it.

it takes all i can muster to have my driver's license photo taken. i have a deeply intense dread of my own image. i know it goes back to my self-esteem and body image and all that crap.

I was like that as well. But in high school I realized something (maybe my friends forced me into it who knows), yes I still think I look bad in photos but Im doing all these fun things, worrying about pictures takes away from it. So I just go with it or act nuts or whatever it maybe. Why stress on it? My friends keep most of them anyway so I dont have to see them again and it makes my friends, or whom Im going out with at the time happy. So go with it lol just laugh and have fun, it makes it not so bad. Now the posed pictures are much harder to do. Has you think of it

sweetie, you are still very young. i am so glad you have overcome this with common sense re: having fun. but mine is so ingrained now that it would take another lifetime to overcome.

you got way smarter way younger. /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=';)' />

Oh I know Im young! And I think thats what made me fall into this (or again my friends can be pushy). Im young and have so long to go, I had to figure something out to help with it. As for you, Im sure you still look great. I know I have to tell that to mom all the time /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':huh:' /> You always think you look worse then anyone else does. I think I look horrible, yet Iv gotten hit on 3 times this week by random people…..that is the only time I start to think about how I look really. Good luck to you though /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

OMG! Heidi did have some leftovers of her recruiting cookie!!!

DIG IN EVERYONE! /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':P' />

I went to dunk my portion in a glass of milk and lost it.