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Let's please keep the drama on SyFy away from here and over on SyFy. If someone has a problem with another forum member, I would prefer you handle it through PM's, or off site if possible. Thank you.
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Let's please keep the drama on SyFy away from here and over on SyFy. If someone has a problem with another forum member, I would prefer you handle it through PM's, or off site if possible. Thank you.
Drama's over Sithy, sorry for where this went. I don't think any further statement on this matter is needed. Again sorry Sithy that this blew up so badly.
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I do not believe I even mentioned you HeidiAnn. I believe I was quite vague in the subject. My point being was that I do not like it when newbies get attack. Sometimes there is a prejudice against them when they first come onto forums.
.
. I hope she has learned her lesson because she is a moderator in this forum, and I would hate to see a newbie being picked on for any reason…just sayin.
/mellow.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />
female Mods here… Gettysburglady, AlmostHunted, Sinistergrin, Me
we all knew who you were refering to, and you brought it here not me.
if you have an issue with me i highly encourage you to use the ignore
feature.
i apologize chad, i'm taking it private.
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I can say that I can't recall ever being discriminated against. I try to treat everyone as a person not a group. If I am not going to like a person it's for who they are, what actions they performed, not what color, sexual orientation, gender, size, handicap or anything. My sons are being taught the same way.
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I'm an equal opportunity ****. /tongue.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='B)' />
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I believe i've been discriminated against. I dont always dress well. In fact, i never dress well. jeans and t-shirts usually. I've had store salesmen tell me they dont carry ANYTHING in my size. I've had the school receptionist recommend that I take the free lunch application even though she didnt offer it to any of the other mothers, I've had the grocery store clerk ask if I was using food stamps. I feel really crappy wand angry when they do that. Judging me because of the way I look. What makes them think I am poor? I'm not and just the idea that they think because of the way I dress I deserve different treatment. Once at church, I mentioned to a lady friend that my brother works at the local paper and she said something to the effect of "well, I'm sure delivering the paper is hard in this weather." My brother is head of maintenance at the paper, she never even asked what he does, just assumed he was at the bottom of the ladder. And no, this wasn't when I was a kid, this was about 2 years ago and I am 45, my brother is not a kid. I think thats discrimination dont you?
as for the other bickering going on on this thread. get over yourself. Let go of it and turn this thread back to what it was suposed to be. jeesh!
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I believe i've been discriminated against. I dont always dress well. In fact, i never dress well. jeans and t-shirts usually. I've had store salesmen tell me they dont carry ANYTHING in my size. I've had the school receptionist recommend that I take the free lunch application even though she didnt offer it to any of the other mothers, I've had the grocery store clerk ask if I was using food stamps. I feel really crappy wand angry when they do that. Judging me because of the way I look. What makes them think I am poor? I'm not and just the idea that they think because of the way I dress I deserve different treatment. Once at church, I mentioned to a lady friend that my brother works at the local paper and she said something to the effect of "well, I'm sure delivering the paper is hard in this weather." My brother is head of maintenance at the paper, she never even asked what he does, just assumed he was at the bottom of the ladder. And no, this wasn't when I was a kid, this was about 2 years ago and I am 45, my brother is not a kid. I think thats discrimination dont you?
as for the other bickering going on on this thread. get over yourself. Let go of it and turn this thread back to what it was suposed to be. jeesh!
Amen to that!!!! /rolleyes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':(' />
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I do think that part of the appeal of the Internet (besides the millions of men who love the porn) is that you are free from snap judgments about appearance. That being said, you still see other stuff. Criticizing grammar. Calling people stupid. That type of thing. So it happens on the Internet, as well. It just isn't appearance based.
Wow – that was almost like not making a point at all. /tongue.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':(' /> Some days I'm brighter than others. Please don't discriminate against me on days like today.
/laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':unsure:' />
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I do think that part of the appeal of the Internet (besides the millions of men who love the porn) is that you are free from snap judgments about appearance.
/huh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':(' />
i've been called some pretty nasty names about my looks
online, and that was BEFORE i ever even put up a pic…
of course i also had a bunch of guys asking me if i was
a Scandanavian because of my name /wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':unsure:' />
/laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
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/huh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':(' />
i've been called some pretty nasty names about my looks
online, and that was BEFORE i ever even put up a pic…
they must have been some of the dumbest slugs in the garden! wait'll they get a load of me! lol
of course i also had a bunch of guys asking me if i was
a Scandanavian because of my name
/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':unsure:' />
/laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
yodel-odel-lay-e-oooooooooo. tell 'em you are a whiz at swiss miss cocoa! /laugh.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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At my high school, as in ALL others, there were cliques. Kids whose parents worked for ALCOA, kids whose parents were doctors/lawyers, and all the rest. Groups: Jocks, Cheerleaders, Stoners, Band, Math Geeks and African-Americans. (I attended a school system that was not desegregated until I was in Second Grade, so there was still a huge division in ethnicities)
I did not fit into any of those groups. I was just a skinny white girl with bad teeth. My given nickname in sixth grade (I'm sure the guy doesn't remember it now, but I sure do) was "BUCK" because of my severe overbite.
Four years later, in 10th grade, I had wonderfully straight teeth but was still just a big old geek. Pictures from that era show that I was really a pretty but overly insecure teenager. (I'd KILL for that 36/25/37 figure now!) That insecurity was fodder for the mean people I went to school with.
How did I get through High School without slitting my wrists? you say? I had a very highly developed sense of humor that immediately made me fit in with every group, in every grade in that school. I was able to make the mean people feel mean and feel bad about it! Then I began to ignore them…in its own way, discrimination, I guess.
Dang Karen and her posts that don't make a point! *Humming along to Billy Preston's "Will it go round in circles?"*
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AH, i think one thing that many of us who have faced discrimination based on our looks/income level when growing up is that we seem to echo your signature and don't take ourselves too seriously. developing a sense of humor early in life has saved many of us, i think. and continues to do so in today's world. at least for me.
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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AH, i think one thing that many of us who have faced discrimination based on our looks/income level when growing up is that we seem to echo your signature and don't take ourselves too seriously. developing a sense of humor early in life has saved many of us, i think. and continues to do so in today's world. at least for me.
i guess that's where i failed then. i never developed a sense of humor in regards to it.
it cut me like a knife every time, and crushed my self esteem. i remember thinking of
myself as this huge, fat teenager, because in my preteens-early teens i was heavy. i
did end up losing a lot of weight, but growing up in a small town once you're labeled
it seems no matter what you never really lose it. i look back now at pics of me at
16, 17 and i wasnt fat. i wasnt a skinny little thing, but i was not some big fat thing
i always remember myself being.
maybe life would have been easier if i had learned to develop that sense of humor,
because it never occurred to me that adults would act the same as kids. come to
forums and you still find some really cruel people who take pleasure in making fun
of someone's looks.
i've been called miss piggy, told im bigger then a hippo, been called ugly. all this
from adults. all i can hope is that in the "real world" they're a little kinder.
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I believe, Heidi, like Karen, that the internet gives SOME not ALL a false sense of bravado. I'd sure hate to think that some of the really big jerks I've seen on the 'net go through life that way.
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I believe, Heidi, like Karen, that the internet gives SOME not ALL a false sense of bravado. I'd sure hate to think that some of the really big jerks I've seen on the 'net go through life that way.
I cant help to think, whenever I meet a jack @$$ online that they are the same if not worse in person. Iv met some pretty down and dirty jerks online. People whom first message to me (by the way I dont message them they see me in a forum. etc.) is straight up hate. When I ask if it was what I said (from other people) I get no way. Maybe your right. But if they act nicer in person, it just makes me think they still think what they say online, just wait to say it later behind the persons back.
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oh, it always hurts, heidi, cuts right to the bone. i was this intense, quiet girl who always had one or 2 close friends but was never part of the 'grand scheme of things'. poor as dirt. had a very popular older brother. even my mom was disappointed in who i was as she wanted a perky, cheer leader type daughter to live thru. i was this angst-ridden mess. i felt competely unloveable. there had to be something wrong with me that i didn't fit into the world. i never even felt like i fit into my family.
i felt ugly, fat, disgusting…or at least i was made to feel those things. but i was smart. and had wit. AND i had a steadfast determination to never let any of them know how much they had hurt me. i literally would have died before i let that happen. it was the one thing i could control and i did. humor helped me do that.
finally i got to the point where i really did not care what any one other than those i loved and who i knew loved me thot of me. it took years and years and years to get there. now after losing cait, there is nothing anyone can do to hurt me except thru mick or danny.
when i went to my 20th reunion i wasn't surprised that the a$$es in high school had not changed one iota: they were still self-centered and shallow. only now when they tried to look down on me by i could stand full height and laugh at them for their clinging to a high-school mentality of importance while i had grown into an adult.
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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I firmly believe that the anguish you receive in school stays with you all through out your life. Some people get stronger from it and some , it becomes a disbility. For me it was a disability for many many years. Why do people say get over it? How do they know you can? They are not you. Perhaps they don't feel as you do. As you get older, you start thinking how wronged you were. My children talked me into going on Facebook. I have a few friends from High School, but you know there are billions of people in the world. Why would I want to be friends with people whom hurt me. Besides I have found Facebook to be almost like a friend competition. Lets see how many friends one can get on the friend list. Like you MissingK8, I was extremely shy, insecure, and very sensitive. I too only had one or two friends if I was lucky. But you know after all I have been through with people, I am glad to keep it at one or two friends. More doesn't always mean better.
As far as being heavy, I gained ALOT of weight from my first child. I was so ashame. But nothing could prepare me for the prejudice I would endure because of it. I went to visit my parents in CA. I went to Macy's and stood waiting for the salesman in the china dept (THE CHINA DEPT) the salesman asked every person in the area but me. I was so hurt. I left. It was basically like that through out the store. But the real pain came from getting off the plane once I was back in North Carolina. I stepped off the plane to meet my husband. I guess he had forgotten how big I got in my pregnancy (and my trip was 6 weeks) because he flinched when he saw me, he grabbed our daughter and turned around, not one word out of his mouth and bolted like he didn't want to be seen with me. I was crushed. We got my bags and went home. For years I never said anything. When I did finally say something he said he doesn't remember and my weight doesn't bother him…..anymore…. I feel that being heavy is the last social acceptable prejudice. There is such a stigma with it. My neice is in rehab right this moment due to anorexia. She can die anytime because she was called fatty from one too many kids at school. By the time she was admitted she could barely stand. She use to have a bright and promising future. She was the best in her sport and had gotten a letter from UCLA to join their team (she is currently in high school). But now, she had gone too far. When you stop eating your body starts to feed on itself. All because she would rather die than be fat. I remember being the same way living in CA and taking diet pills and starving myself. Those pills ruined my heart. I knew they were bad for me at the time, but like my neice, I would rather have been dead, than fat. My attitude changed once I had children. They love you no matter what no matter how big I am.
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I've had a similar feeling/experience about reunions, facebook and (at) Macys.
Some time ago, I got cornered at a mall by an old classmate of mine (hs & grammar school), who I was "friendly" w/but not really a friend of and knew she was part of the reunion committee. So she dashed right over and wanted to catch up, I think I'd just graduated college and was kinda of struggling to find my way. The conversation, while cordial, didn't go well when she brought up reunions etc. So I basically cut through the niceties and told her that her experience in HS was not the same as mine and I had no desire to hang out w/people I don't like. If I didn't have friends then why would they be friends of mine now? I politely declined and asked her, if she was a friend of mine as she claimed to be, she'd remove my name from any mailing list for this type of information in the future…save a tree.
Facebook falls into the same category. Any true friend or member of my family has my contact info and can reach me, I have neither the time or interest in having my privacy decimated by people I hardly know or want to know better. See above commentary about high school.
Macys will never change. Years ago I walked in to the "fragrance" section to get some perfume for my Mom as a gift. I stood there for 45 minutes while the salesgirl waited on everyone. I was wearing busted up hiking boots, ripped jeans, black turtleneck, black knit hat, and an camoflage army jacket. I hadn't shaved as I was on vacation so I looked scruffy to be sure. I knew what I wanted had found it, on my own but no one would get the bottle for me so I could pay and leave. Finally I said in a loud voice, HOW BOUT SOME SERVICE? Girl came over to me finally, but w/the look of utter disgust and contempt on her face. I was going to get 3 things that would've totaled around $150-$200 then (20 years ago). I was reaching for my wallet and this "girl" says, oh i suppose that's on a credit card right. I froze dead in my tracks, roll of cash partially out on counter and said you know what? I demand to see your supervisor. Some waspy woman showed up and when I explained how poorly I'd been treated the woman shrugged and said well sir I don't know what to tell you if you don't like it you can shop elsewhere. I got their names and their tax id number (that made the supervisor really nervous) and told them this wasn't over. At the time, my sister worked at Macy's in one of the Philly suburbs as a dept head and a part time purchaser, she'd been w/them over 25 years. I called her up and told her what happened, long story short, the sales girl lost her job and the supervisor got demoted, then quit. Let me tell you that I'm not proud of what I did, but I'd done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, a little common courtesy would make the world spin a little smoother.
What the hell, I'll even tell my GAP story. I walked into a GAP to look for some Khakis, but couldn't find my size…at the time it was 42. When I asked the sales girl, she shrieked at the top of her voice 42??? WE DON'T SELL ANYTHING THAT BIG!! I called her a classless a-hole and walked out of the store. Some time later I was friends w/someone who worked in the GAP as a second job, but would never step in the store, when she asked why, I repeated my story and told her I'd never put one foot in a gap ever again.
FYI: the only time still to this day I've ever gone into a Macy's is to get perfume for Monkette and that's only when going to a local Sephora or online Sephora is not an option (time wise) and have STILL never re-entered a GAP. I've ordered some shirts on line as they fit me kinda nice and were on sale. But I do tend to not support or publicize places that have done me wrong and in this economic climate, they really need to bend over backwards to get my business.
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I'm no small person myself so don't think I'm just being mean for this comment. If person who has gotten so large (except in the case of illness and or disease) that they are no longer capable of wiping their own arse, they lose my sympathy.
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I'm no small person myself so don't think I'm just being mean for this comment. If person who has gotten so large (except in the case of illness and or disease) that they are no longer capable of wiping their own arse, they lose my sympathy.
not having walked in their shoes and not knowing what would drive a person to abuse themselves to that point would make me, while perhaps repulsed by the physical, view them more sympathetically. but that's just me.
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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