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I have been fat and I have been thin. Anywhere from a size 3 to a size 26. Right now I am somewhere in between. When I talk about my size, I almost feel it is necessary to explain to people that I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, Celiac disease and multiple food sensitivities that are what have made my weight so frustrating and unstable. It's because of the way people above a size eight are perceived in our society. Silly. Clowns. Lazy. Lacking in self-control. Self-indulgent. I could go on.
The truth is – the fact that I feel I need to explain anything to anyone says a lot about my own feeling about being fat. I've allowed society to color my perceptions of what I (and others) should be. By feeling the need to explain my weight as related to my illnesses, I am somehow saying, "yeah – I may have weight issues but I'm not like all of those other people who do."
WTF? I try really hard to be a kind and caring individual – and I know far better than many that there are a huge number of factors that affect weight. I know that many overweight people don't eat any more than horribly thin people. I know this because I see it. I used to do nutrition and weight loss counseling in another life. I saw 300 pound women who ate like birds and worked out like fiends. I saw 100 pound women who sat on their asses all day eating bon bons and probably had 5000 calorie a day diets. And those 100 pound women who never even had to try constantly judged the 300 pound women who spent virtually every moment of their lives trying and found those 300# women lacking – merely because their bodies responded differently to food and exercise. Those 300 pound women were certainly no less valuable, kind, generous, loving, hard working than the 100 pound women were. They had the same hopes, dreams, fears and passions. What separated them was one thing – weight.
It is the tendency to objectify people in society and turn them into one dimensional characters. We do it with thin beautiful women, as well. All we see is the beauty. When I 21, I used to model. I had a thin, tight little body and a pretty decent face. People treated me like a doll or a princess. But a bubble-headed one. They didn't see me. They didn't see my passion or my intelligence. They didn't see the love I had, the compassion, the creativity, the joy. They saw a pretty face on a pretty body and made judgments and assumptions about who I was based on that and nothing else. I hated it.
When I was a size 26, I was still the same person. I still had the same passions, the same creativity, the same joy, intelligence and love. Very few people saw that. Instead they saw an overweight woman and made all of the judgments that went along with that.
At both times, I was reduced to a cardboard cutout. I was one dimensional. Very few people bothered to find anything beyond the surface.
It's what we do. We don't look deeper. We don't see one another. I am just as guilty of it as the next person, so I am not preaching here. It's what I am trying to change in myself with the Namasté Project. I want to truly SEE someone that I encounter. Not as a body. Not as a face. Not as a one-dimensional being who is a projection of however I choose to see them, but to really see them. That's the only way we can end discrimination – whether it is discrimination based upon race, religion, sexual orientation, appearance, economic status or anything else. First we have to really see ourselves. Then we really have to see one another.
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i think discrimination is based on power: if i make you feel bad, i can feel good so i am more powerful than you. it's a sort of emotional rape, which is always about power rather than sex.
there is also a 'blame the victim' mentality that i notice on a lot of opinion boards now, be it poverty, racism, obesity…any number of things. there is a lot of hatred that people feel is ok on the internet and they spew it readily. i am amazed at how brave some people are in spewing CRAP against others. being polite is now called being PC and sneered at. people are fed up with their own lives and try to empower themselves by name calling and berating others. i am sick of the phrase 'get a life' and calling someone a '**** bag' if they don't agree with one. debate is a lost art and no one has a chance of learning anything the way things are now on a lot of boards.
there is no excuse for sheer meanness, imo. i would not tolerate it in my kids and i won't tolerate it in strangers. i try to ignore it but then feel guilty about enabling some twonk to get away with nonsense.
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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Discrimination is exactly a power issue as everyone described above. As a white
, overweight, overheight and overbearing southern born male even I have experienced
it. Go figure! I grew up in South Texas as a minority. As an adult I live on an island where my ethnicity
puts me in an even smaller category than "other." Discrimination has so many levels
and facets that it runs from the surface to the core. I personally have my friends and aquaintances
in that realm I try to allow no predjudice or judgements that would be considered discrimination.
I can't change the world but I can change myself. I can teach my children right and wrong and
hope it sticks.
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Discrimination is exactly a power issue as everyone described above. As a white
, overweight, overheight and overbearing southern born male even I have experienced
it. Go figure! I grew up in South Texas as a minority. As an adult I live on an island where my ethnicity
puts me in an even smaller category than "other." Discrimination has so many levels
and facets that it runs from the surface to the core. I personally have my friends and aquaintances
in that realm I try to allow no predjudice or judgements that would be considered discrimination.
I can't change the world but I can change myself. I can teach my children right and wrong and
hope it sticks.
in the end, pooper, that's all we can do and it's no job for cowards, but well worth the trouble. /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='
' />
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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At my job, we have a vast amount of property and rent some of it out to folks who have 18 wheelers or whatever. We've got (had) this one tenant who used to come in to the office and break my chops about my weight (like some I fight a constant battle and have fluctuating weight). I never understood why he'd pick on me as he is an older man (mid 60s ish) and I've never treated him w/anything but the utmost respect and kindness. But anyway the guy was kinda mean about it and is quite heavy himself. I asked my boss if I had to sit there and take this guy's constant abuse and he told me no zing him back. The next time he came in and made a fat joke or comment the first thing out of me was…"guess there's no mirrors in your trailer eh?" quickly followed by "and you would know mr. smith" (not his real name). He went to complain to my boss and was told that just because you're a tenant doesn't mean you have a right to abuse his staff in any way. But the truly greatest moment was when someone stole something of his and he had to come up and ask for a favor for me to scan the videos to see who it was…my response? "Suddenly I'm not such a fatso anymore when you need a favor?" I'll try to do it, but i'm so fat and stupid I may not be able to. Fact of the matter was, not only did I find the footage but was able to enhance the video to get the guy's license plate who was stealing from one camera feed AND a close up of his face from another….the cops had the theif in less then 6 hours. The jerk never thanked me, but he stopped picking on me and would actually wave when he saw me on the grounds.
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That's the thing about discrimination – when I am on the receiving end of it. I never know – is it worth the energy to fight back? Do I shake it off figuring I have better ways to spend my energy? Do I politely point it out? Do I get passive aggressive?
And I have to ask myself this. Have I ever discriminated against anyone? I'm guessing I have. I once didn't hire a woman for the job because she was in her 60s and we had a young, busy and energetic office. That is discrimination. I've not liked people before based on how they appeared or how they spoke. That's discrimination.
That's the thing. I think we all do it in tiny ways but we justify it to ourselves. I think if you ask anyone "Hey – have you ever discriminated against someone?" the answer would be, "nope, never. Not me."
I'm guessing that every person who answers that way has and may not realize it. That's the thing with stuff like discrimination. Changes start by looking at ourselves. And then we move out from there.
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That's the thing about discrimination – when I am on the receiving end of it. I never know – is it worth the energy to fight back? Do I shake it off figuring I have better ways to spend my energy? Do I politely point it out? Do I get passive aggressive?
And I have to ask myself this. Have I ever discriminated against anyone? I'm guessing I have. I once didn't hire a woman for the job because she was in her 60s and we had a young, busy and energetic office. That is discrimination. I've not liked people before based on how they appeared or how they spoke. That's discrimination.
That's the thing. I think we all do it in tiny ways but we justify it to ourselves. I think if you ask anyone "Hey – have you ever discriminated against someone?" the answer would be, "nope, never. Not me."
I'm guessing that every person who answers that way has and may not realize it. That's the thing with stuff like discrimination. Changes start by looking at ourselves. And then we move out from there.
I think that it is worth it to point it out. Point it out in the way that it was given. If someone is being aggressively discriminatory, do so back. If it's offhanded, do it so back..etc.
The only way to change these things is to point them out and let the one doing the discriminating know that it's not acceptable.
Yes, we have all, at some point, been discriminatory against someone, sad fact of life. However, the first step to changing these things is to recognize it in yourself first, then take steps to change it. That's what you've done here Karen, recognized it in yourself first. So, I think it's perfectly within your rights to point it out in others.
People who say that they have never discriminated against someone, for whatever reason, are people who may not want to look very deeply at themselves. It's funny, because if every single person who said "nope, not me" were telling the truth, this wouldn't be a prevalent problem in the world, now would it?
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That's the thing about discrimination – when I am on the receiving end of it. I never know – is it worth the energy to fight back? Do I shake it off figuring I have better ways to spend my energy? Do I politely point it out? Do I get passive aggressive?
And I have to ask myself this. Have I ever discriminated against anyone? I'm guessing I have. I once didn't hire a woman for the job because she was in her 60s and we had a young, busy and energetic office. That is discrimination. I've not liked people before based on how they appeared or how they spoke. That's discrimination.
That's the thing. I think we all do it in tiny ways but we justify it to ourselves. I think if you ask anyone "Hey – have you ever discriminated against someone?" the answer would be, "nope, never. Not me."
I'm guessing that every person who answers that way has and may not realize it. That's the thing with stuff like discrimination. Changes start by looking at ourselves. And then we move out from there.
unfortunately, this is all true. we are but humans with all the flaws that entails. but i think that many of us who have felt discrimination use it as a lesson on how to live, ie at least trying to not do it unto others. we will fail, but at least we are trying. and my mick has changed many a little old lady's opinion of scary, goth guys when he would be all dressed in black including eyeliner and chains and be the one who would get them the can of baby peas off the top shelf in the supermarket or walk over to help them unload their carts into their cars.
my kids dragged their father into new ways of thinking…we have always had 3 generations going on in our family due to bill's age, mine and then the kids. but he has admitted that he has grown and learned as much from them as they from him. which isn't a bad way for a family to be, imho.
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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I am at that point in life where I just don't let it bother me anymore. I am who am and only a brain injury is going to change me. I always have this snarling, teeth gnashing relationship with cashiers and hostesses. I don't know why that is, it must be me though as often as it happens. They try and squash my bread by putting it at the bottom of the bag, seat me by the kitchen or restrooms. It's a constant fight for fairness and justice.
I'm walking through the parking lot today, minding my own business, deep in thought and this woman whom I do not know passes by and says to me 'Smile, it isn't that bad.' So I respond 'This is my happy face' and walk on.
What was that? Am I to walk around all day with a goofy grin on my face just so people don't think I'm sad or grumpy?
I think that woman was trying to hang a fish on me just to feel good about herself; or something.
Now myself, I discriminate a lot, just about everyone I meet until I'm given a reason not to. I've been suckered into people's little games one too many times. I don't do it openly though, not rude. I maintain my cherub like demeanor. I kind of roll with the first impression and see what comes after.
If I see you come in and I can see your boxers and you have to hike your pants up to run, you're on my list. I cannot take you seriously. However, if I see you helping the elderly cross the street, one hand holding thier's while the other hiking your pants up; then I guess you're ok, maybe.
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I am at that point in life where I just don't let it bother me anymore. I am who am and only a brain injury is going to change me. I always have this snarling, teeth gnashing relationship with cashiers and hostesses. I don't know why that is, it must be me though as often as it happens. They try and squash my bread by putting it at the bottom of the bag, seat me by the kitchen or restrooms. It's a constant fight for fairness and justice.
I'm walking through the parking lot today, minding my own business, deep in thought and this woman whom I do not know passes by and says to me 'Smile, it isn't that bad.' So I respond 'This is my happy face' and walk on.
What was that? Am I to walk around all day with a goofy grin on my face just so people don't think I'm sad or grumpy?
I think that woman was trying to hang a fish on me just to feel good about herself; or something.
Now myself, I discriminate a lot, just about everyone I meet until I'm given a reason not to. I've been suckered into people's little games one too many times. I don't do it openly though, not rude. I maintain my cherub like demeanor. I kind of roll with the first impression and see what comes after.
If I see you come in and I can see your boxers and you have to hike your pants up to run, you're on my list. I cannot take you seriously. However, if I see you helping the elderly cross the street, one hand holding thier's while the other hiking your pants up; then I guess you're ok, maybe.
goat, i promise you will never see my boxers and i rarely run, aiming more for a lady-like trot. /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='<_<' />
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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I am at that point in life where I just don't let it bother me anymore. I am who am and only a brain injury is going to change me. I always have this snarling, teeth gnashing relationship with cashiers and hostesses. I don't know why that is, it must be me though as often as it happens. They try and squash my bread by putting it at the bottom of the bag, seat me by the kitchen or restrooms. It's a constant fight for fairness and justice.
I'm walking through the parking lot today, minding my own business, deep in thought and this woman whom I do not know passes by and says to me 'Smile, it isn't that bad.' So I respond 'This is my happy face' and walk on.
What was that? Am I to walk around all day with a goofy grin on my face just so people don't think I'm sad or grumpy?
I think that woman was trying to hang a fish on me just to feel good about herself; or something.
Now myself, I discriminate a lot, just about everyone I meet until I'm given a reason not to. I've been suckered into people's little games one too many times. I don't do it openly though, not rude. I maintain my cherub like demeanor. I kind of roll with the first impression and see what comes after.
If I see you come in and I can see your boxers and you have to hike your pants up to run, you're on my list. I cannot take you seriously. However, if I see you helping the elderly cross the street, one hand holding thier's while the other hiking your pants up; then I guess you're ok, maybe.
This boxer issue is a peeve of mine as well. Living where I do, in a somewhat rough city, most think that they have to exude this tough demeanor. I hate it. I can't stand seeing some guys (and a few girls) boxers when they're strolling down the street.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that I dismiss these people on sight and that's discrimination. I can't see myself changing that though. *shrugs*
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I've had discrimination most of my life, but have no complex about it either. My husband says I say what others are thinking, he jests and says don't sugar coat it. I simply think the truth is fact, for everyone to see, or seek. I'm not looking for my truth, but the actual truth or facts of a topic. This has gotten me into trouble, since I was young in school. Marching to my own drummer, as so I've been told. I'm the most skeptical of myself.
My racial discrimination and supposed religious views, by some people who just hear my last name sometimes amaze me.
It's funny how some think a last name means so many different beliefs, or even a lifestyle.
But, on the other hand it's helped me not to assume things about others and be able to open my mind to other view points.
You never know sometimes who the person really is behind the view point.
Violent discrimination, I will protect myself and have went ninja, when I felt there was no choice.
I have had the same thing happen to me. I want people to treat me like I treat them. Tell me straight. don't beat around the darn bush for pity sake. I guess I scare the krap out of people because of my frankness.
I was bullied A LOT as a child. I grew up with a sizable chip on my shoulder and find myself constantly defending the little guy. It has put me in hot water with some of the people in the forums on Syfy. These newbies would come on and the oldies were just ruthless. That made me mad. One of the oldies was a friend of mine. She was being mean to a newbie. I called her out on it. I expected better from her because she herself had been on the receiving end. At the time, she felt it was ok because the oldies had done it to her. I didn't agree with her excuse. I hope she has learned her lesson because she is a moderator in this forum, and I would hate to see a newbie being picked on for any reason…just sayin. /mellow.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':mellow:' />
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actually what I said was "you have to have thick skin"
here is a link to the actual thread in question – so people can judge me for themself.
http://forums.syfy.com/index.p…..6&hl=
(my post and LSFs response is on pg 1, my response to LSF is top of pg 2)
my original post was a joke between me and nyp,
was it nice? no. was it an attack on a newbie? no.
I said it then and I'll say it now…my grassy knoll comment
can not be compared to the drunken attack I received from
Grod…and I wasnt a newbie at the time.
i'm curious why 9 months after an incident at
syfy, that we cleared the air over in private, you're
bringing it up here at PUG?
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/blink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':blink:' />
/ohmy.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':o' />
Why oh why….
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How did this discussion evolve into inferences about our moderators possibly discriminating against posters in the future?
The administrators here have full confidence in ALL of our moderators, who have done a wonderful job moderating here on PUG.
If there are any actual complaints about discrimination here, they should be reported to the admins, not speculated about here on the forum.
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How did this discussion evolve into inferences about our moderators possibly discriminating against posters in the future?
The administrators here have full confidence in ALL of our moderators, who have done a wonderful job moderating here on PUG.
If there are any actual complaints about discrimination here, they should be reported to the admins, not speculated about here on the forum.
I agree. Let's please keep the drama on SyFy away from here and over on SyFy.
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I agree. Let's please keep the drama on SyFy away from here and over on SyFy.
I second that. Yes please. The drama is the reason why I don't frequent the Syfy board anymore.
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i 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th that…
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
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I 7th, 8th and 9th it /unsure.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />
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actually what I said was "you have to have thick skin"
here is a link to the actual thread in question – so people can judge me for themself.
http://forums.syfy.com/index.p…..6&hl=
(my post and LSFs response is on pg 1, my response to LSF is top of pg 2)
my original post was a joke between me and nyp,
was it nice? no. was it an attack on a newbie? no.
I said it then and I'll say it now…my grassy knoll comment
can not be compared to the drunken attack I received from
Grod…and I wasnt a newbie at the time.
i'm curious why 9 months after an incident at
syfy, that we cleared the air over in private, you're
bringing it up here at PUG?
I do not believe I even mentioned you HeidiAnn. I believe I was quite vague in the subject. My point being was that I do not like it when newbies get attack. Sometimes there is a prejudice against them when they first come onto forums.
So what makes you so sure it was you I was referring to unless you felt that you had wronged a newbie in the past. To bring up this krap from another forum, to dig up all the details is just so wrong. If it was so private, why are you bringing in the details? In the future, unless I mention you by name, I prefer if you would leave what dealing we have had in the past exactly where they are…in the past. Not everything is about you heidiAnn. As far as I am concerned my point has been made regarding newbies. Do not try to make it more than what it is.
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