No Two People Have Ever Met
by Karen Frazier, Managing Editor
Paranormal Underground Magazine
No two people have ever met. I could leave it at the title. It’s really all I have say, but I suppose that wouldn’t be much of a blog now, would it? Nor would it be very much like me, given how enthralled with my “voice” on a computer screen in a blog.
There’s an author I like named Byron Katie who talks about this concept quite frequently. I’ve seen the words on the page in many of her books. I’ve seen it, I’ve nodded my head, but I’ve never really gotten it on a gut level before. And we all know how much credence I put in perception on a gut level. (The answer is a lot if I assume incorrectly and you don’t know or are new to my blog).
This morning I was lying awake in bed at 3 a.m. And 4 a.m. And 5 a.m. Sometimes nights are like that. I wake up for some reason in the middle of the night (usually puppy related) and then instead of drifting back to sleep, my mind is a whirl. I don’t particularly force the thoughts during times like these. I merely follow them. Sometimes I think that it is at 3 a.m. and into the wee hours of the morning where many things crystalize for me.
This is what I came to understand this morning by 5. No two people have ever met. Really! I’m so busy perceiving you based upon my biases, beliefs, perceptions and filters (which have nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with who I am) and you’re so busy showing me only the parts of yourself that you feel are acceptable (and vice versa) that we have never really met, you and I. I have no more concept of who you are truly and honestly than you have of who I am.
We start relationships with our best foot forward. Of course we do! We want to be liked. We want to be accepted. And so we strap on the social graces on top of our true selves. We give the people what they want. Well – that’s not really true. We give the people what we believe that they want.
That’s it really – why we have never met. I’m too wrapped up in who I believe I should show to the world, who I believe you are and who I think that you believe I am to ever really know you. I’m guessing you are the same.
Strip it away. Who are we, really? Are we the sum total of all of the mask wearing and faulty perceptions, or are we something more basic and pure underneath?
We haven’t met, you and I. Not really. But I’d like to meet you and I’d like to have you meet me. Who knows? We may even really like what we find when the layers have been stripped away and we become just us. Without agendas. Without perceptions. Without filters. Just two souls – swimmin’ in a fish bowl. Maybe when we get to that point, we will finally meet. F’real.
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That is a Levinasian concept. Well, half of one. You’ve got the “infinity” down, but nothing about “totality”. People are immanently in front of us, all the time, behaving. We are always shining through as who we are, most of us. Some people may by avocation may be trained to manage every twitch – poker players, politicians – but the average person has neither the time nor effort. What you’ve described are social norms, which are very strong in acquainted relationships, professional relationships, or other superficial arrangements.
Experience shows me, however, that I can integrate the richer, and darker sides of my personality to those I know and trust. I don’t feel I’m hiding at all to those I love. Do you?
How painful it must be for one to feel as though one is constantly hiding one’s self and managing one’s external presentation. Useful to a degree, destructive and alienating when made the rule. What of authenticity? Drop the mask. That is your choice.
In psychology, the term “projection” refers to one’s pushing a subjective experience or understanding onto the external world, as though it existed “out there”. No two people have ever met? That is bombastic hyperbole and is extreme, black-and-white, and binary. And like most Manichean conclusions, it is not descriptive of reality or useful as a model.
If you feel that alienated, you shouldn’t try and project your experience to be some external, objective “rule” that must be the case for everyone. You should be authentic, say what you mean, and do your best to bracket your prejudices of others.
I think you missed the point of my posts. Mostly it is perceptions, filters and psychological presets that keep us from fully recognizing or experiencing anyone other than as how we view them. I can be as authentic as humanly possible and you may not experience who I really am. I’d say that just happened given your response to my post. Thanks for making my point for me.
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