by Karen Frazier, Managing Editor
Paranormal Underground e-Magazine
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Not that thinking is unusual for me – it is my normal state of being. My mind whirls and loops around itself constantly.
Recently, I’ve had a lot of people ask me, “Why the paranormal?” or some variation of the question. I always give my sound bite answer – the one that involves living in a weird apartment when I was in my early 20s, which sparked my interest.
The truth is, I’ve been interested since I was a little girl. I loved anything and everything paranormal. It was a secret, because I didn’t think others would approve of my interest, but it was there. So that story about when I was in my early 20s – while true – probably isn’t what sparked my interest.
Then, last night it occurred to me what it is. I am interested in the paranormal, because I want to believe in something. I want to have an experience that is so pure and rings so true that I don’t have a need to question it scientifically. I want an experience so real and honest that the only way I can accept it is to take it on faith. I want that experience to be so unmistakable in nature that the only way to accept it is to know it.
I am interested in the paranormal because I am struggling with belief. Deep in my soul, I don’t know if I really believe in anything larger than myself, and that, for me, is a very empty place to be.
All of my life, I have intellectualized. Even as a young child, I questioned everything. I took every tidbit of information and put it through its paces. I was raised in the church. I saw people who believed – who knew God – and I envied them. Because I didn’t know what they knew. I heard what they believed with all of their being, and I could understand it intellectually, but I couldn’t feel it internally.
I once heard a story of a little boy who walked into the kitchen and saw his mom pouring milk into a glass. Later he said that that isn’t what he saw – what he saw was God pouring God into God. That’s a little boy who felt and knew something that I have never known or felt in my entire life.
My search for the paranormal is my search for belief. I want to see something, I want to feel something and I want to know something that isn’t filtered through my intellect. I want to know because I know. It’s as simple as that. I am seeking faith. I am seeking a way to believe in something greater than me, because I don’t want the universe to be small, meaningless and random. I want to see and know something larger than myself.
I am interested in the paranormal because I am seeking the belief I’ve seen in others. It doesn’t get any simpler – or more complex – than that.