by Karen Frazier
Host, Paranormal Underground Radio
Well hello everyone in the Paranormal Underground world. Quite some time ago, I signed off as Managing Editor of Paranormal Underground Magazine, although I’ve always maintained my involvement in Paranormal Underground Radio, as well as writing for the magazine and staying in touch with my good friends at PUG. I’ve also continued to investigate the paranormal as a member of South Sound Paranormal Research, and I speak frequently at paranormal conventions. In fact, I’ll be appearing at Seattle Crypticon this coming weekend (May 25-27), which promises to be a really good time.
But that’s not why I’m here blogging today. It’s not to share with you all of my recent exploits. Rather, when I stopped blogging for PUG I left somewhat of a cliffhanger. At least for me, it was a cliffhanger. At the time, I definitely believed in ghosts, and I thought I could maybe, possibly, potentially have some wee amount of psychic abilities but I wasn’t really sure. Oh my, how things have changed.
This fascination I have for the paranormal has been here so long, you see, as have so many gifts I have received throughout the course of my lifetime. Leaving PUG was difficult for me because, at the time, I felt that was the best use of those gifts and passions. I truly wanted (and continue to desire) to make the planet a better place, and I thought maybe sharing information about the paranormal was how I was to do that. At the time, I believe that was perfectly true. Life, however, has a way of evolving and changing. When I left PUG, I truly felt cast adrift, even though it was my decision to leave. In fact, when I left PUG it was because I was compelled to do so. Something inside of me was insisting that it was time to move forward in a different way. I thought that meant I might be leaving the paranormal behind altogether, but it turns out I’ve maintained some of my work with PUG – it just had to become a background player in what was developing.
You see, PUG has played an extremely important role in my ongoing journey into how I can best use my life. I know – I sound like Oprah when I say that, but my driving desire in the past two years or so has been to use my life in exactly the way the universe wants to use it. I want to be of service, because I believe that each of us has a path and a highest calling. I finally reached a place where I was ready to find mine – but that meant letting go of my individual wants and desires, my selfishness, my petty worries, and most of all, my fear. It’s a terrifying thing to just let go of that branch you’re clinging to as you hang from that cliff high above the precipice and trust that the universe will catch you. Me? I’m letting go one finger at a time, and thus far the universe has had a pretty big catcher’s mitt. At this point, I’m probably dangling by a pinkie or two, because that final release still seems just a little bit scary. Gosh I’d love to come and tell you all, “Hey man – I’m so evolved I float,” but the bottom line is that my fears and doubts, while significantly smaller, are still there. My ego still attempts to coax me away from the cliff. Apparently for my ego, going with the flow is pretty darn terrifying.
OMG Karen. Enough with the metaphors and doublespeak. Just get on with it.
Over the course of the past year, I’ve worked with several really gifted mentors at finding my true path in life. I’ve also had many experiences that have helped me to understand my abilities and put them to the best possible use. It’s been like piecing together a puzzle, but only being able to see the shape of the pieces and not the picture. As soon as enough pieces click into place, however, the picture starts to reveal itself and I like what I’m seeing. I can say without a doubt that I do have psychic abilities. I always have, but the trick has been finding the trust to know, for a fact, that what I see,hear, feel, and know is something more than cold reading, supposition, and hunches. Several events have conspired that have showed me, indeed, I am receiving information that is accurate. I can describe a few below.
I recently joined an investigation at a rather well-known haunt in Oregon. During the investigation, I came up with several pieces of information, including first and last names, professions, nationalities, and activities. I relayed the information to a historian who was trying to piece together stories about the location, but didn’t really know where to start looking. Once I gave him the information I’d picked up while on the investigation, he was able to find all of the information I’d given him from various historic records. This was incredibly confirming for me in ways you cannot even believe, because as I was giving the guy the information, I was totally sure I was imagining things or making it all up.
When walking through a location with a friend who knows its history, we would stop at a building and I would be able to tell her what had happened there – with accuracy, it turned out. Again, this was both shocking and confirming to me because as I was telling her, I was sure I was just making stuff up.
I’ve been “reading” a good friend. Not intentionally, but nonetheless doing it. It started when she heard footsteps in her house. She texted me, and I started telling her things about a dead relative – including very specific phrases, private jokes, family activities, and other private information that I just did not know. Later, the same thing happened with another relative of hers – who actually told me to contact her. When I did and started describing what the relative was saying, I used specific phrases, references, language, and personality traits that exactly matched that relative. My friend then started testing – asking specific questions about that person (favorite song, etc.) Turns out every answer I received was correct.
It is events like these that convince me I must somehow be able to act as a receiver of information. In fact, I think I am like a radio tower (or some other inanimate object) – I don’t think it is anything I do that is special. The best way I’ve discovered to receive information is to just get out of the way and let it come. If I try to insert my own personality or ego into the equation, the information gets watered down or altered. Getting out of my own way has a lot to do with trust, and I am slowly but surely gaining it. When the information comes, it is my job to relay it. Nothing else. I don’t interpret it. I don’t add my own wisdom. There’s really nothing of me in the information. It comes from someone else, and I am the conduit to relay it.
What I am discovering is that having this gift has to come from a very ego-less place, which is remarkably difficult for an egomaniac approval whore like me. When my ego, agendas, or fears interfere, the information loses its purity and its ability to make a difference. It turns out that all of the hard work and ambitious striving to be the best I’ve done over the years really plays very little role in what my highest path is. My highest path is to tell my ego to shut the eff up and receive information so I can be of service. Actually, the striving and pushing, the attempting to figure things out, the working harder than everyone else in the room – all that did was kept me spinning my wheels longer and limited my ability to make a difference in the world. It was only when I learned to trust and let go that I was able to reach this place where darn it, I feel like I am actually serving.
I’m also realizing something else. I’ve always been inordinately proud of the talents I have. I have not been a humble person, I’ll freely admit. It’s only recently that I’ve discovered something. My gift for the written word, my creativity, my artistic and musical abilities, my intelligence – all of those things really have very little to do with me. They are gifts I have been given so I can walk my highest path, and the best way they can manifest and flow is when I get the heck out of my own way. My abilities flow best when I quiet my mind, set my ego aside, and allow information to flow through me rather than from me. If this seems confusing, I understand. Humility is not something that has ever come easy to me.
My major experience in humility came just this past week. One of the ways I’ve been quieting my ego/mind is making prayer beads. You can see them here – I think they’re really pretty! Anyway, one night I was admiring photographs of these gorgeous beads when it suddenly hit me – these creations had nothing to do with me. I wasn’t making them. Well – I was – but only because I was setting my ego aside and allowing the designs to flow through me. Not only that, but every single set of beads is intended for one specific person. It isn’t up to me to say or even identify who that individual is – but the person for whom the beads will made would find them when the time is right. My job is merely to make them. It turns out that all I am is a manufacturer, and that spirit flows through me to create the beads. I can admire them all I want, but they exist because I am a conduit, and not because I create them. The same thing is true of my writing, my music, my psychic abilities, and my intelligence. It exists only so I can be of service, and if I am not using those gifts then I am denying my true path in life. While I can be proud of it if I choose, in truth it al really has very little to do with me.
Lest you think this sounds like new-agey bullshit (because trust me, if I’d heard someone talking like me, it would have been my first thought), I have found this to be the truth for me. It is a source of great peace and joy for me, knowing that in some way I am serving. By allowing spirit to flow through me, I am better able to help others. When my own ego steps in (and believe me, it does), I am interfering with the highest possible outcome. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to stand in the way of the greatest good of the universe because I’m an egomaniac. For me, that realization was a very humbling experience.
There is a path for each of us. There is a plan for each of us. I’m sharing my recent experiences with you in hopes that it will help you find your highest purpose, because that is where true happiness lies. Each person has their own viewpoint, experiences, gifts, and talents. Nobody has exactly the same combination. That means that each of us has the ability to make a unique contribution. For me, finding my path has been about setting aside my ego and trusting that little voice inside of me. It’s brought me a lot of peace and a lot of joy. And hopefully it will allow me to leave this earth just a little better off for having been here.