by Karen Frazier, Managing Editor
Paranormal Underground

Ten years ago, I was a different person living a different life.

Bad marriage. Poor health. Finances? Pfffft! Job? Don’t ask. It sucked. All around, things just weren’t going so well. I didn’t get it. I knew I had all of this potential and promise. I knew that my life was supposed to be something different. It just wasn’t. And I couldn’t quite figure out why.

The one really bright spot was my son, who was three at the time. He remains a bright spot, and the motivation for much of what I do.

At the time, I was a New Age seeker. Things sucked so much that I needed to find something – anything – to cling to. Since I’d had my disagreements with the God of my youth, I’d found a different kind of God.

Did I really believe? Hard telling, but I doubt it. More than anything, I think I hoped that this God would help me where I felt the other had failed me. I was blind to myself and didn’t understand that God hadn’t failed me. I’d failed myself.

So there I was. A mess. I knew what my life *should* be. Certainly not what it was. But in a rare moment of clarity, I saw what it could be. There was enough hope in that to sustain me – and even motivate me.

Before we go on, I feel the need to clarify. I have never, ever in my life been a slacker. I think if you looked up “classic overachiever” in the dictionary, you’d find my picture. I’ve always worked hard and been extremely ambitious. Traditionally, I was not one to give myself a break, no matter what.

Which is why my life was such a shock. I was working hard. I was achieving. But what I was achieving sure as hell didn’t take me where I wanted to go. Really, it’s all about choices. And the choices I was making weren’t serving the vision I had for my life.

One night, after my son was in bed, I sat down and came up with a vision of what I wanted my life to be. And then, I wrote each piece of that vision out as a series of affirmations. “I am” statements that took the longing I was feeling and transformed it into language that said it was already a done deal.

I wrote each affirmation ten times. Not on the computer. Long hand. In a spiral notebook. It was a long shot, but what the heck? I don’t know that I believed. It was more a matter of doing something and finding some way to hope.

Every night after my son went to bed, I sat in the dim light of my bedroom and furiously scratched the same affirmations over and over in my little spiral notebook. I did it for days on end, which turned into weeks, and then into months.

Life happened. Eventually I stopped writing my affirmations. And then I forgot about the notebook.

A few years ago when Jim (not the husband of ten years ago) and I moved into our new house, I came across the notebook. One night, immersed in memories of that time, I sat down and opened it. Within its pages were hastily scratched out lines written in desperation and hope from nearly a decade ago. And within its pages were an exact description of my life today.

There was not a thing in that notebook that does not now exist in my life. The meaningful relationship I wanted? Check. The vastly improved health? Check. A career I love? Check! On and on it went like that. Descriptions of my home. Descriptions of my job. Descriptions of my health. Descriptions of my relationships.

Ten years ago, in an act of quiet desperation, I had written a blueprint for my life today.

Was it mystical? I don’t know. Probably not. Probably creating a vision for myself over and over helped me to tap into the power of my subconscious mind, which quietly went to work behind the scenes. Or, perhaps it was just finally sitting down and admitting to myself how miserable I indeed was, which gave me the impetus to do something to change those circumstances.

Was it magical? Absolutely. I am not now who I was then. I can remember her. I can empathize with her. But somewhere deep inside of that woman was a spark of the authentic me, just waiting to be recognized and fanned into a full-on fire.

It is a commonly accepted New Age belief that you can create your life. I whole-heartedly agree. You can create your life. Not by some mystical process, but by recognizing who you really are and allowing a vision of that person to take root somewhere deep inside of you. It is only by giving your desires a voice that you can set the wheels in motion to become who it is you really choose to be.